After Weinstein: two women on why we still need to explain the difference between flirting and sexual harassment

Helena Bassil-Mozorow, Glasgow Caledonian University and Katy Proctor, Glasgow Caledonian University

Helena Bassil-Morozow: we need a ‘good conduct’ guide

Following the high-profile toppling of Harvey Weinstein in autumn 2017, there was a significant shift in the way society perceives the power balance in the workplace. Though we are still far from solving it completely, at least we can now talk about one of the most enduring and complex taboos of Western societies: abuse of power, particularly when it takes the form of sexual harassment or rape.

After the release of actress Rose McGowan’s memoir Brave, whose allegations of rape and abuse erupted the whole Weinstein affair, things changed overnight. I still remember the shock I felt when I realised that people were actually talking openly about this abuse of power. Western societies operate on an unspoken set of assumptions, all united by the idea of fairness, democracy and equality.

Abuse of power, particularly of a sexual kind, is almost a taboo subject. Its discussion in the workplace is usually relegated to the shadowy world of rumours and innuendo (such as Seth Macfarlane’s 2013 Oscar joke, below), but the subject rarely sees the light of the day. In the past, we seemed reluctant to acknowledge that something like this goes on in a society that promotes equality, diversity and merit.

YouTube.

At last we have witnessed via the Weinstein allegations the start of a dialogue, even if we are some way from definitive solutions to the problem. But in raising the issue of undesirable sexual behaviour, we also need to be careful not to see it where it does not exist, not to turn all human actions into punishable offences. If everyone becomes a stalker, what happens to romantic relationships?

In December 2017, I stumbled upon a guide provided by the Swiss parliament to its employees on the issue of flirting in the workplace. This was basically their response to the #MeToo campaign. Although a little simplistic and even patronising, this “good conduct guide” is a valid attempt to clarify the difference between flirting and harassment. The main distinction it makes is that of reciprocated feelings and respect versus treating a person as a fantasy figure expected to fulfil one’s wishes.

Actress Rose McGowan, the first woman to come out with public allegations of rape and abuse by Harvey Weinstein.Shutterstock

Among the qualities of a healthy relationship, the guide lists “mutuality and respect for personal boundaries”. It is also a “source of joy and self-esteem”. By contrast, a bad relationship is one-sided, degrading and involves breaking the other’s boundaries, whether physical or psychological.

That’s all well and good, but how does one actually spot, achieve or define mutuality? For instance, some people may imagine signs of reciprocity where none are expressed. A colleague may have a crush on you and attempt to attract your attention in ways which you may perceive as awkward or too intense if you do not feel the same way. It’s all further complicated by the fact that human actions are not always consciously expressed or thoroughly understood.

Using the Swiss parliament’s guide as an inspiration, I’ve come up with the list of “danger signs” to look out for when engaging in any romantic behaviour, particularly in a professional setting.

Is there a quid pro quo element? This can take a variety of forms, all of which would require a person to agree to sex in exchange for a professional benefit (a job, a promotion, or funding). This is the surest sign that this is not a relationship of equals, and Weinstein is a classic example. Often when quid pro quo is present, the whole relationship is not about mutuality and equality – nor even sexual attraction – but about hierarchy and demonstration of power. This kind of relationship is narcissistic: the person offering the exchange is simply testing the limits of their position. In its most extreme forms, it is manifested in threats to withdraw existing privileges rather than in offers of new benefits.Are physical boundaries violated when one person clearly indicates that they do not wish to engage in physical contact? This is usually exacerbated by quid pro quo situations in which the offending individual believes that she or he “owns” their subordinates. Rape is the most extreme form of this. On the matter of what constitutes sexual assault, the Sexual Offences Act 2003 states:

(1) A person (A) commits an offence if:

a) he intentionally touches another person (B)

b) the touching is sexual

c) B does not consent to the touching, and

d) A does not reasonably believe that B consents.

(2) Whether a belief is reasonable is to be determined having regard to all the circumstances, including any steps A has taken to ascertain whether B consents.

I am aware that this description is fairly vague and open to interpretation, particularly around what kind of touching can be considered sexual, or what is “reasonable belief” that an act of consent has taken place.

Is the sexual/romantic attention manifested in the form of name-calling and other denigrating expressions? For instance, being propositioned is not in itself a problem, but when a person you barely know explains they would like to have sex with you using graphic sexual slang, this is highly problematic. Again, this is a serious boundaries issue, and being “invaded” like this feels dehumanising to the other person.Finally, the issue of excessive attention. Unless it takes the above three forms, this could be solved by communicating to the other person that their attention is unwanted. This should not be hinted at, but clearly explained. Falling in love is not a crime, but it has to be mutual.

It all boils down to treating other people as individuals, not objects. In sensitive situations, we all need to be clear about what the other person wants instead of projecting ideas and fantasies on to them. It is about connecting fully with another human being, where feelings are shared and understood. Anything less is just not love.

Katy Proctor: we need zero tolerance

My interpretation of these events is a little less forgiving than my colleague’s. As I see it, the problem does not lie in seeing abuse where it isn’t and “overreacting”. Women have to navigate a minefield of sexual comments, attention and harassment on a daily basis, modifying their reactions and behaviour to defuse risky situations. Women are the best judges of risk and malicious intent, something they are not credited for – and rarely do they see it where it isn’t.

After multiple sex abuse allegations, Weinstein was fired from his film company Miramax and shunned.Shutterstock