Big Ernie's Diner, Southsea
The American diner is pure nostalgia, its revival due to Americans, mainly, looking back to the values of yesteryear in times of uncertainty.
Back then disused railroad cars were transformed into diners, places where your average Joe could get a cheap meal and coffee at a counter.
Big Ernie's Diner goes down the 1950s nostalgic route when hamburgers, milkshakes, Formica and Elvis ruled and where bobbysockers, those white-socked high school kids, would hang out.
A cut-in-half Cadillac tops the bar and part-silver walls are decorated with pictures of iconic figures: Satchmo, Buddy Holly, Monroe and first husband baseballer Joe di Maggio, plus Elvis, naturally, and James Dean.
The retro banquettes in the two-tier restaurant are red and white. The music, however, isn't of the era. A relentlessly loud Duffy soundalike ain't no substitute for Elvis and Buddy Holly on the jukebox.
And the food? Well, it's the kind you can find at any fast food joint in town: wings, fully loaded potato skins, nachos, burgers, ribs, steaks, chilli, chicken and chips and a very English mixed grill.
I asked a waitress what a Big Horse Burger was. Was horsemeat back on the menu? Turns out it's a dollop of horseradish on a burger.
There's Ernie's Hot Rod (spicy burger), Big Ern's Big Dog (no, not a mastiff but a hot dog) and The Brooklyn, 'a homemade classic 6oz beefburger topped with cheese and one slice of bacon.' Burgers range from 6.99 to 12.99. These prices would raise a wry smile with your average Joe, the current price for a burger in a Virginia diner a mere two-and-a-half bucks.
The waitress pointed to a soft drinks list, scarred by grease. Coke floats, ginger beer, cream soda, coffee with a free refill and ice cold milk could set you back more than a burger in the US.
My choice was a cream soda. 'It's cream,' I was told lamely. No, honey, it's vanilla and uber-sweet as I found out. I abandoned it.
The Brooklyn came with fries, a lacklustre bun, cheap cheese and a dollop of warm red coleslaw. The burger was burnt in patches and there was no ketchup in the greasy red container.
World Famous Hollywood Desserts go down the same Real American route: Humphrey Bogart is a banana split, Fats Domino a chocolate and vanilla brownie sundae. One thing is for sure: Momma's Apple Pie wasn't made by a real momma or a person but a machine.
Ernie and his gang have gone for looks over substance. Get the food, music and drinks right and this could be a winner. But, despite the artefacts, Ernie's doesn't feel at all genuine. My bill came to 16.93 including a Budweiser to take away the taste of the cream soda.
Carol is a chef, former restaurateur and editor of Savour, the Guild of Food Writers magazine.
Big Ernie's Diner, 119 Elm Grove, Southsea PO5 1LH (023) 9273 0880
Open: 11am–10.30pm (11am–2am Fri and Sat)
Food: **
Service: ***
Atmosphere: ***
Disabled access: OK
How to get there: Elm Grove is between Victoria Road and Kings Terrace and the restaurant is on the left going east. On-street parking.
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Friday 10 February 2012
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