Hole in the Wall, Southsea
Rudyard Kipling paints a picture in his Smuggler's Song of gangs who hid illicit goods in holes in the walls. They were also used in debtors' prisons to pass essentials on to prisoners.
Nowadays a whole slew of pubs are named after them, the Southsea one's minute size among its great assets.
The ceiling is wallpapered with labels from guest beers, ales are handpulled and sausages are the mainstay of the menu plus a few savoury puddings.
This is genuine, old-fashioned pub territory, stratospherically far removed from the Wetherspoons of this world. Yes, you can still find drinking pubs, pubs that are not given over to the laying of cutlery, pubs where talk and beer is king, and little if any background music pollutes the air. But they are a diminishing breed.
It's as dark as Hades in the L-shaped pub, with a few tables hidden around the back of the bar, a few more lining the wall and a cluster of them at the front.
William Morris swirling wallpaper is a surprising element to the dcor but not so the old-fashioned green office desk lamps, the wooden floor and a cosy wrought-iron stove all in keeping with the look. Hops, a row of pewter mugs and some old photographs complete the picture.
The pub won Portsmouth and SE Hants Camra Pub of the Year 2007 and upholds these real ale standards with the likes of Hole Hearted, a Gosport ale created for the pub and whose long, bitter-sweet floral hop taste certainly suited this beer lover.
There are also beers from Scotland, Humberside, Lancashire and Oxfordshire.
Food is mainly the aforementioned sausages, O'Hagan's the Chichester sausage maker lording over the short menu with its Oxford, Toulouse, pork and real ale and others.
Sandwiches, jacket potatoes and a few puddings (steak and ale, chicken and mushroom) not made in-house are other choices alongside Chilli Nights, a plateful a mere 3.95, those sausages and puddings only managing to get beyond the 5 mark.
But food is not a reason for coming here: it's for the company and beer. Just as well, as the sausages, mash and peas I ate at a small table opposite the cubby hole in the wall that holds the lift to the kitchen above did nothing to raise the pulse. The bangers were slightly undercooked, the mash was a solid affair of little merit and the shiny onion gravy was, I suspect,courtesy of Mr Bisto. Smugglers might turn themselves in if given this to eat.
Despite the gaping hole between good beer and food, this is a pub to admire and protect, its friendliness and charm second to none. Where else would you hear snatches of conversation with the likes of 'I've seen Proust's first editions' or 'I said to Bob Geldof and he said to me "Couldn't get an effing word in when I was on The Jonathan Ross Show."' Moments to cherish – but not for the food. My bill came to under 7.
Hole in the Wall, Great Southsea Street, Southsea, PO5 3BY. (023) 9229 8085.
Open: 4pm-11pm Mon-Thu & Sun, midday–midnight Fri, 4pm-midnight Sat.
Food: ***
Service: ****
Atmosphere: ****
Disabled access: Tight for wheelchairs.
How to get there: If coming from Kings Road turn right into Castle Road then sharp right into Great Southsea Street, a one-way street. Parking on street.
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Sunday 12 February 2012
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