Our agony aunt tries to solve your problems
QUESTION: I love my fiance very much and we’re getting married in nine weeks’ time.
His best man, though, is really upsetting me, as he and their mates are planning a weekend stag do involving strippers and all kinds of unpleasant stuff.
I find it really degrading and I’d prefer it if my fiance cancelled the whole thing.
I know it’s considered normal to behave in outrageous ways on a stag do, and I know people will think I’m a party pooper, but I’m not. I love a good party but this kind of ‘do’ is just distasteful and offensive.
How can I make my fiance realise that I am serious about this?
FIONA SAYS: What some men do on what they see as their ‘last night of freedom’ has become something of a tacky ritual in recent years, and the men are no longer alone either, as plenty of brides-to-be have equally tacky hen-dos.
Have you tried to explain your feelings to your fiance?
If you can get him to understand how strongly you feel about this, it may make it easier for him to call the whole thing off with his mates.
He’ll almost certainly want a stag-do of some kind, and however much you dislike it, he will come under a lot of pressure from his friends to go crazy in some way.
If you are sure of him, and you love and trust him, don’t be too hard on him if, in the end, he feels he has to go along with what they plan for him.
QUESTION: I’ve been going out with a guy for about a month and I’ve realised now that he’s not for me.
I’ve tried to gently suggest that we should move on, but he’s ignored all my signals and is making things worse by buying me all sorts of expensive presents. Last week it was a necklace and yesterday he gave me a new TV for my flat.
All this does is make me feel guilty and mean for not liking him very much, so how do I get out of this mess without hurting him?
FIONA SAYS: Rejection is never easy to cope with, however gently it’s done, but you must end this quickly for both your sakes.
Rather than drop hints about moving on, you need to explain that you don’t feel you’re right for each other. If you think it’s appropriate, apologise for not saying something sooner, but say you were worried about hurting his feelings. Offer to give the presents back too.
Write to Fiona Caine c/o Elise Brewerton, 1000 Lakeside, North Harbour, Portsmouth PO6 3EN or firstname.lastname@example.org. Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence, nor pass letters on to other readers.