DEAR FIONA: ‘I went on lots of dates but it came to nothing’

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Our agony aunt deals with your problems.

Q: I’m a 36-year-old guy who’s never had a girlfriend. I’ve met girls on nights out and had a dance and a kiss with them, but never seen them again afterwards.

I used to use internet dating sites and I went on lots of dates, but it came to nothing and I feel quite depressed and demoralised sometimes.

I have a job driving buses working different hours and I don’t get to see people often on a regular basis.

I don’t really know what to do next.

A: It’s difficult for people who work irregular hours to join groups that would allow them to get to know people as friends before forming relationships.

Internet dating is probably the most logical way forward for you, but you say you’ve tried this, without success.

I wonder if you’ve used a specific match-making site or one of the more random ones such as Tinder or Happn?

Paid-for services such as eHarmony and Match.com probably offer more concrete possibilities for a relationship because, having paid, people are more serious about wanting a relationship.

You say you’ve met girls on nights out, but haven’t seen them again afterwards. That does make me wonder if there isn’t something fundamentally wrong, like bad breath or body odour that’s putting them off further dates. Make sure there isn’t by talking to a friend or family member who can be brutally honest with you.

Q: I’m in love with a married man, who seems to have no regard for me whatsoever.

I was seeing him while he was engaged and we had discussed moving in together once he had broken it off.

He went ahead with his marriage, but still contacts me regularly and we usually end up in bed. I know this is no way to carry on, but I do love him, so what should I do?

A: What do you want to do?

Continue seeing a man who has lied to you and his wife; who only seems to contact you when he needs sex and treats you with total disrespect?

Or would you rather be free to look for a relationship that will give you genuine love, respect and the chance to be with someone who wants to be with you?

You know the answer, and while I understand you believe you love him and that breaking away will hurt, I think you know this relationship has no future.

The sooner you distance yourself from this man, the better.

Q: A close friend of mine has recently lost her baby.

It was her first child and I know she and her husband are devastated. I have tried several times to contact her to offer help and support, but her husband always answers the door or phone and says she is refusing to see anyone.

Surely this can’t be good for her and I almost think I should push past him and insist on seeing her.

A: People deal with pain in different ways and at the moment it seems your friend just needs time alone to cope with her grief.

It wouldn’t be good for her to cut herself off from people indefinitely, but right now it seems that’s what she wants.

You could try writing to her, telling her you understand she wants to be alone, but reminding her that you and others do care about her and want to see her when she feels ready.

You don’t say whether your friend’s child was lost through a miscarriage or cot death, but either way, there are several organisations that might help.

Write to me again or contact your local Citizen’s Advice Bureau for details.