'Triple tragedy made me a shopaholic'
A MUM became a shopaholic and racked up bills of £120,000 after her mother, father and brother died.
Ann Carver, 45, went on a huge spending spree that lasted more than a decade as she felt it was the only way to deal with her grief.
From motorbikes to cars to drum kits, Mrs Carver bought anything that would give her an instant feel-good 'high' to mask the pain she was feeling inside.
But, after racking up debts of 30,000 on credit cards and re-
mortgaging her house by 90,000, Mrs Carver nearly lost everything as the debt collectors came knocking at her door.
Today she spoke candidly about addiction to spending – and how she finally overcame it by confronting her inner demons.
'I have been on a massive rollercoaster ride,' said Mrs Carver, who works at Tesco in Havant and lives in Mitchell Road, Bedhampton.
'But I have managed to come out the other side.'
Mrs Carver's story began on her 28th birthday when she had to bury her 68-year-old mother, Kit, who died from a heart attack.
Over the next two years her 73-year-old father Ted died and then her brother David, 40, died suddenly from a brain tumour.
To make matters even worse, her only surviving close relative, her brother Andy, emigrated to Australia. 'It was just awful,' said the mum-of-two.
'It was such a shock. I didn't turn to drink or drugs.
'I was walking through Havant town centre one day, feeling awful as it was the first anniversary of my mum's death.
'I saw a bright, sparkly red jumper in the shop window.
'I went in, tried it on, looked in the mirror and was smiling.
'It totally changed my mental state. I was walking down the street smiling and people smiled back at me. That's what started it off.'
From then on the spending never stopped.
Mrs Carver bought a motorbike, two cars, pony-riding lessons, ate out almost every day and the yoga enthusiast even spent 3,000 making her own yoga video.
Mrs Carver said: 'It got to the point where I could not get any more on credit and my house was mortgaged to the hilt.
'There was a possibility of losing my house.
'There were people phoning up demanding money and I was keeping them at bay with promises I could pay.'
Mrs Carver said she had a huge wake-up call and, even though counselling had never worked, confronted her addiction.
'It was the reality of almost being made homeless,' she said. 'The buzz had gone.'
On the verge of selling their home, Ann and husband Steve, a groundsman for Havant council, had a brainwave as they chatted to estate agents.
They realised they could sell half the garden on their end-of-terrace
house to developers.
By selling it off, Mrs Carver's debts were paid.
But the emotional cure for Mrs Carver was getting married to her long-time partner Steve on her birthday – finally burying the sad memories of her mother's funeral years before.
'I am the happiest I have been in my life,' said Mrs Carver. 'I still have treats, but I now spend within my budget.'EXPERTS say 'spendaholism' is similar to any addiction such as drugs, alcohol or food.
Psychotherapist Adrianna Irvine said Mrs Carver was an extreme example of a spending addiction that affects many people.
A recent survey suggested that three-quarters of women would admit to being spendaholics and 80 per cent will happily spend more than they earn.
Mrs Irvine said: 'There are two different types of addiction. There's substance addiction to alcohol or drugs and there's process addiction, which is much more complex.
'It's based around food, money or relationships.
'The predilection to addiction will be there anyway. It's a bit like a Rubik's Cube of genes, upbringing and environment.
'For this lady we have an extreme reaction to grief.
'Most addictions are about feeling in control. By spending she was pretending that nothing had happened and she had the wealth to buy all these things – that is what was in her head against the grief of her losses.
'It's like what you see in the papers or on television – a room full of stuff that the person never really needs. It's a bit like a tomb of their feelings.'
Mrs Carver said she had attempted to tackle the problem through counselling, but the process never worked.
'It was about me getting mad with myself and taking responsibility,' she said.
'I know there are temptations out there, but I compare my life to a container. If I overspend, that container starts to leak.'
Mrs Carver says she wants to help other spendaholics and has set up a free weekly group session called 'Hey Big Spender' at Havant Leisure Centre, which begins on September 21 at 7.30pm.
For more information, call Ann on 07769 663370.
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Thursday 23 February 2012
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