Would he understand if I told him I’m not ready to say ‘I do’
Q My fiance and I are planning to marry later this year. We’ve been together for three years now and the thing is that, although I love him and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else, I don’t think I’m ready for a wedding.
It’s the responsibility that terrifies me as I’ve always lived with my parents and have never had to juggle money and pay all the bills.
I know my fiance will expect me to deal with things as I’m an accounts clerk, but I’m worried sick I’ll get us into debt.
Do you think he would understand if I delayed the wedding? I’m afraid he’d be very hurt.
A I don’t think fears about money are a good reason to delay a wedding, but if you think your fiance is financially irresponsible, or you can’t talk to him about your concerns then yes, do think twice.
That said, you’ve not indicated this is a problem and as any good marriage is a partnership, you should be able to share your fears with him.
He shouldn’t ‘expect’ you to deal with finances just because your job is about finance; he needs to shoulder some of the responsibility as well.
Talk to him and explain you’re not confident about handling the finances by yourself.
Sooner or later you’re going to want to leave your parents and set up home on your own, so you’re going to have to face this issue at some point.
It’s common to have last-minute doubts before getting married, but fears about financial responsibility shouldn’t be a reason for calling things off.
Q This has been a really tough year so far. We moved into our new home in April but then, two weeks later, we heard my husband had lost his job.
I am still working and am bringing in enough to just about keep us afloat, but it won’t be enough to keep up with the mortgage payments.
All our savings went on the deposit, so we have nothing in reserve and I’m so afraid we are going to lose – not just our new home – but everything we have worked for.
A You need to speak to your mortgage provider at the earliest opportunity and explain what has happened.
Please don’t wait until you are seriously in debt as, while building societies and banks can force the sale of your home in order to repossess their money, they generally only do so as a last resort. They would probably much prefer to find a way of helping you keep your home, as forced repossession costs them a lot of money.
You may be able to negotiate a payment holiday (where no payments are made for a period) or you could pay interest only for a while.
Although that will potentially extend the term of your mortgage, you may find a way, down the line, of paying back additional sums and so reduce the term again.
Until your husband finds another job, money will be tight, so contact everyone else you owe money to.
By that I mean suppliers of gas, electricity, water, telephone, credit cards and any other loans you may have. National Debtline (nationaldebtline.org) or the StepChange Debt Charity (stepchange.org) can help you with financial planning and debt management.
Write to Fiona Caine c/o Chris Owen, 1000 Lakeside, North Harbour, Portsmouth PO6 3EN or firstname.lastname@example.org.
Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence nor pass letters on to other readers.