Ambition outweighs their intellectual wherewithal

A contestant on Take Me Out with host Paddy McGuinness

VERITY LUSH: I can’t get my head around the general fakeness today

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There was one programme amid the BBC’s coverage of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations which encapsulated its philosophy towards the entire event.

By the time the final credits rolled on Fiona Bruce’s documentary about the royal palaces, the corporation’s self-serving approach had become clear.

It intended to use four days of British history in the making as a mere backdrop to what it believed we really wanted – prolonged exposure to its bottomless pit of C-listers, bimbos and one-dimensional newscasters, whose ambitions have always far outweighed their intellectual wherewithal.

There were endless close-ups of Ms Bruce’s undulating hind-quarters as she sashayed along the corridors at Windsor Palace in a split skirt.

Her shapely ankles took centre stage as she strode through the courtyard at Buckingham Palace, and her pert profile attracted much sympathetic lighting as she gazed up and sighed at the royal treasures.

There had been more of the same during coverage of the Thames pageant, as the flotilla played second fiddle to gibbering mannequins like Tess Daly, Fearne Cotton and Anneka Rice.

Matt Baker (who has forged a lucrative career by perfecting an air of vomit-inducing feyness) and Sophie Raworth (an auto-cutie, plain and simple) were entrusted with hosting this rackety jamboree.

Shoddy production standards meant they were repeatedly caught unawares as focus suddenly reverted to their comfy pod. Baker was usually caught fiddling with his earpiece before mustering a weak smile, while Raworth filled the screen with her formidable teeth as she instantly turned a scowl into a 1,000-lux beam.

Their patter consisted entirely of platitudes, patronising prattle and asinine exchanges. Meanwhile, a thousand vessels made their way down the Thames largely unremarked upon.

Things were not much better over on ITV, where Alan Titchmarsh presented his latest mealy-mouthed documentary about the Royal Family. Will someone please give the man a knighthood and put us all out of our misery?

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