And our survey said: ‘Can’t stop, just want a sandwich’

LAWRENCE MURPHY: A worthy alternative to roasties?

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Last week, amid the EastEnders’s hysteria, a small list was published.

It was the 10 most hated brands and it won’t surprise you to hear that four out of the 10 were political parties – two of them even beating Marmite.

But what was also released from the survey, which was probably conducted by those people in shopping centres who try to stop you getting your lunchtime sandwich, was a list of brands we all love.

I was a bit confused, though.

Top of the list was Amazon, which is the online supermarket of everything and pretty much solely responsible for decimating bookshops.

Then of course there’s Cadbury – historically a producer of beautiful chocolate but now owned by people famous for manufacturing fake cheese and who messed about with our Creme Eggs. Rotters.

Third on the list was Walkers and, for those of you who ever drove along the A27 in the ’80s, this will be the company that bought Smith’s Crisps and which stopped Paulsgrove smelling of delicious fried potato snacks. Double-rotters.

Heinz and the BBC -– specifically BBC1, I have no idea why – are OK, though if Heinz ever stop making salad cream I will revise my opinion.

People must really, really love the Google Doodles to ignore the fact Google now owns or controls pretty much everything we see and do on the internet.

If we were North Korean we’d have to put Kim Jong-un at number one, so at least we have the freedom to put Google at number six.

Number seven might make you splutter into your cornflakes. Mr Kellogg, inventor of the aforementioned breakfast cereal, actually spent a fair amount of time trying to stop us all having sex, even writing books on how evil it is.

Nine is beleaguered Tesco, responsible for the downfall of the high street, and 10 is ITV – the people who interrupt World Cup matches with adverts. Brilliant.

Where’s John Lewis? What about Fairtrade? I guess there’s so much food on this list because the interviewees were hungry on their lunchbreaks.

I think they should have gone for that sandwich after all.