Cheese wire pants did little to cover up their modesty

LAWRENCE MURPHY: A worthy alternative to roasties?

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This heat has made me one happy bunny. I love it – the hotter the better.

I admit that working in it can be tough, but I simply refuse to be a stereotypical Brit, complaining when it’s too cold and then complaining when it’s too hot.

Let’s be honest, although temperatures have been soaring this week, is glorious sunshine really that bad? Come on, enjoy it while it lasts.

I won’t moan about the fact I’m constantly sweating and can’t sleep at night because my bedroom is like an oven slowly cooking me from the inside, or that I have to drink about 10 pints of water a day and am thus suffering from water retention.

Nope, not me, I’m not a whinger, you see.

Like most of the rest of Portsmouth, I descended upon Southsea at the weekend for a spot of sunbathing.

It was beautiful on the beach and, although I walked away looking like a red lobster, (so yes, I am a typical Brit in some ways) I was glad that we spent a few hours by the water – because it’s my favourite place.

But I was a little perturbed by the amount of ladies who thought it was a good idea to wear something resembling a cheese wire.

It couldn’t be called a ‘bikini’ because that would suggest it covered their modesty.

And I can assure you it did nothing of the sort.

I should know, as I was surrounded by them. And before you ask, no I wasn’t at the nudist end of Southsea beach!

Lordy, these ladies must be confident lasses.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m a firm believer in having confidence and expressing yourself.

But does every woman, man, child and dog have to be subjected to the sight of your bits on show?

Honestly, I didn’t know where to look. I was surrounded by them, so I did what any other self-respecting, slightly jealous, woman in her 30s would do. I talked about them, moaned and secretly wished I could get away with wearing so little.

And then decided to write about my experiences in this column!