Chucking out the old calendar is a mistake only a man could make

COMMENT: Whenever she arrives, we’ll give her a big welcome

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How many men have made this fatal mistake at the start of the new year?

You try and tidy, so the first thing you do is chuck out the old 2013 calendar that’s hanging up in the kitchen.

But you forget the one thing you’re supposed to do with old calendars, which is to transfer every single important birthday and anniversary date from it to the new calendar.

It’s only men who make this calendar mistake. And you can tell the ones who have because you’ll spot them outside rummaging through their paper recycling bins, looking for all the old calendar pages that they’ve ripped up. They’re doing it now. Just go see.

Forget joining a gym, which is tedious and painful. I reckon the most fun post-Christmas exercise is this; jumping up and down on the mass of wrapping paper and cardboard you have left over from Christmas so you can squeeze it into your paper recycling bin. It’s actually quite fun!

An annoying thing I noticed while out shopping in the sales – if a department store has a canteen, there’s never any food or drink items in the sale.

They charge a fortune for coffees, biscuits and sandwiches. Couldn’t they bring in a ‘50 per cent off lattes’ offer or something like that?

Here’s a checklist of the foods you should still have left in your kitchen after the Christmas break. 
1. One jar of cranberry sauce that’s had about two teaspoonfuls taken out of it
2. Four parsnips that’ll be there until you can figure out what the hell to do with them
3. At least 60 crackers that are now so stale that you can bend them 90 degrees without them breaking
4. Half a tub of cream in a pouring jug that’s now gone yellow and could be reclassified as sour cream.