CLIVE SMITH: What next – Postperson Pat and his vegan cat?

Firefighter Sam...

Forget Donald Trump, Isis and North Korea, they are small fry in comparison to the threat that Fireman Sam poses to humanity.

You see, poor old Fireman Sam is the latest to fall victim to the PC Brigade.

On the day the fire service launched its #Firefightingsexism campaign Dany Cotton, London’s Fire Commissioner, released a ridiculous statement labelling it a sexist cartoon that reinforced the stereotype that only men want to

work in the service.

Come off it. As if anyone is put off a profession years later in life because of a cartoon they watched when they were five.

She also went to the trouble of writing to the makers of the show asking them to consider changing the name to Firefighter Sam. It’s a cartoon for God’s sake. Leave it alone.

As London’s Fire Commissioner I’m sure there are more pressing issues for her to deal with. Coming out with stuff like this is a total waste of taxpayers’ money. I guess there isn’t much work on at the moment. Just imagine if a tower block burned down with hundreds of people inside. Can’t she just do the job she gets paid to do?

I suppose it won’t be long before some do-gooder writes a strongly-worded letter to the powers that be at Pontypandy Fire Station demanding they reveal the wages of Fireman Sam and Firefighter Penny to make sure they are equally paid. What next? Postperson Pat and his vegan cat?

I heard there are plans in the pipeline to make Bob the Builder Polish and then make a series of episodes about the dangers Brexit poses to his everyday life.

Also, all future showings of Danger Mouse have been put on hold until the Health and Safety Executive have undertaken a thorough investigation.

Dany Cotton may like the term firefighter, but for me it sounds far too macho and aggressive. Can’t we have the more neutral term ‘fire-tamer’?

When my house is on fire I couldn’t give two hoots about the name of the person who rescues me.

A fireman though is someone who would stand a chance of carrying me out of a burning building – a firefighter is someone who probably couldn’t.

THE LUNATICS REALLY DID TAKE OVER THE ASYLUM

I’m not sure how it happened but the World Health Organisation made Robert Mugabe its Goodwill Ambassador.

A racist, responsible for ethnic cleansing, famine and corruption. If there was ever evidence that the lunatics had taken over the asylum, that appointment was it.

I wondered if I’d woken up in some parallel universe when I read the news. They must have been passing about the crack pipe at the UN when they were drawing up a list of candidates.

They eventually saw sense though and rescinded the post after a few days of backlash.

I’ve heard that once Isis leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has cleared his busy schedule in Syria he is favourite to replace Mugabe.

In other news Harvey Weinstein has just been made women’s ambassador!

BOYS IN THE GIRLS’ DORM? THERE’S ONLY ONE WAY THAT’S GOING TO END

Gordon’s School in Surrey, one of the country’s top boarding schools, is to allow boys to wear skirts and sleep in the girls’ boarding house if they question their gender identity.

So, a teenage boy puts on a skirt and is allowed to sleep in the girls’ dorm. Hmm, I can’t for the life of me see what’s going to happen there.

For a chance like that I expect some of the lads have started measuring for bras and practicing their mascara and lippy techniques.

If a boy wants to bowl about in a skirt, let him crack on, but I’d be pulling my daughters straight out of that school in they started to allow boys to sleep in the girls’ house.

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