Comic Relief? I didn’t see too manty laughs there...

Mrs Brown's Boys featured on Comic Relief
Mrs Brown's Boys featured on Comic Relief

LAWRENCE MURPHY: A worthy alternative to roasties?

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Strange how it is called Comic Relief yet there was nothing funny throughout that whole program the other night.

Lucky it wasn’t pounds per laugh otherwise there’d be plenty of dry water wells in Africa.

Around £71m was raised on the night – just imagine what it could have been if so many people hadn’t turned the rubbish off.

If that’s some of the best comedy we can produce in this country then it’s a sad state of affairs.

The presenters were a mixture of has-beens and self-indulgent narcissists.

Terry Wogan must have been turning in his grave! It was some of the worst TV I have seen for a long time and that’s saying something.

In our house I have to endure the likes of Mrs Brown’s Boys and Citizen Khan so I’m used to seeing absolute garbage on the TV.

People who actually found that funny, I’m sure could do with some charitable donations of their own.

It was a complete mess.

I can’t say I’ve ever liked Comic Relief anyway.

It’s shown on a TV channel paid for by the taxpayer, that gets millionaire celebrities to beg people who probably have little money to spare anyway to give to a cause that in the end will only receive a fraction of the actual money donated.

After the over-inflated wages of the charity’s bosses have been paid and money siphoned off into the grubby mitts of a Third World warlord to be used to buy guns and booze for his child soldiers there will be little left.

Apparently Comic Relief has £100m sitting in its coffers, some of which is used on the stock exchange! Marvellous!

So you give a few quid for a net so a poor kid from Sudan doesn’t get gnawed on by mosquitoes while he sleeps, but instead it’s gambled on the profits of some multinational!

That’s why it’s much better to donate to local charities and worthwhile causes, at least then you can see where your money is going and what it will being used for.

Benidorm a heritage site? It’s nice but it’s not all that

Benidorm officials have bid for the resort to get Unesco World Heritage status!

The mayor of the town believes the resort deserves recognition alongside the likes of Stonehenge and the Great Barrier Reef.

Too much sun and watered-down lager has clearly gone to his head!

I went there last year, it’s your typical boozy Brit getaway. Sticky Vicky is pretty impressive, a World Heritage destination it is not!

Busloads of Japanese tourists aren’t going to turn up with their latest DSLR cameras and start taking pictures of the previous night’s vomit and smashed in teeth.

On the other hand, though, Hull was voted City of Culture so you never know...

School noise like Glastonbury Festival? I hardly think so...

People love a moan – I like a moan don’t get me wrong, but some people have got nothing better to do.

For example the residents recently whining about the noise coming from Northern Parade school in Hilsea.

How can you complain about it?

The school was probably there first, you know what it’s going to be like.

It’s like moving near a pub and then getting the hump when your quiet viewing of the 10’clock news is interrupted by lads singing Champagne Supernova in the car park.

And to actually compare the noise of a school to Glastonbury!

What – were Class 4F on the main stage and 6B in the dance tent?

Ridiculous!