Compliments can keep me going

Time for a pension

Time for a pension

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I’m chuffed to fluffy bits whenever people say I don’t look my age.

Oooh, how vain Miss James I can hear you lot saying.

Well listen folks, the bod is bagging and sagging these days and my once cutesy bottie is nigh on skimming the shagpile.

So now, as an OAP, I relish the odd compliment. It’s the sort of thing that makes my day.

Yeah, okay, so the face is covered with three layers of slap.

But in the battle of the sexes, this is where the sisterhood don’t want equality, especially us Golden Gals. We want to win hands down.

Sorry fellas, I’m sure some of you sixty-something gents are still right little bobbydazzlers.

Anyway, in a few weeks’ time, at the age of 61, I get my old age pension. I can’t wait to get my grubby little mitts on it.

Though they do try not to give it to you. I received a pension booklet and was asked if I would like to defer my pension for five weeks. No. Or even two years? No.

Just gimme the bloomin’ money, I said.

Chirpy chappy Jason from the Pension Service was very helpful when I phoned.

Except, as I was divorced, I needed to send in my decree absolute.

No can do. Lost that years ago – and it will cost £40 to get a copy from the law courts.

Blimey. So to Plan B. After 10 years apart, I phoned ex-hubby the Geordie Gent to borrow his copy.

Off I went to get it. It’s a bit spooky seeing exes, isn’t it?

But GG and his new wife, the delectable Kati-licious, were so welcoming and hospitable.

And finally...

I qualify for my pension on Sunday May 6. But they only pay out on Tuesdays.

So that’s Tuesday May 8, right? Er, no. It will be Tuesday May 15, because pensions are paid one week in arrears.

Hello. I’m single with very little close family.

So, who gets my one-week-in-arrears pension when I kick the bucket?

Exactly. I rest my grumpy old gal gums.

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