Dear Fiona: I’m dreading asking prudish mum if I can sleep with my boyfriend

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Fiona Caine

Q My boyfriend and I have been living together for the past 18 months and we’re about to go and visit my mother together for the first time.

She and I have never been close (I was brought up by my father) and she doesn’t know how serious my relationship has become.

I am dreading having to explain to her that now we are together, we’d like to share a room.

She has always been very prudish and I’m afraid she’s going to throw a wobbly.

A If you know your mother is going to disapprove of you living together, what will you gain by antagonising her and asking to share a room?

Perhaps she’s the sort of person who finds it hard to talk about sexual matters and so, if you force her to acknowledge your relationship, it could distress her.

Couldn’t you, for this visit, go with whatever sleeping arrangements your mother has provided?

It won’t hurt you to be apart for a few nights.

Then you can use the opportunity to explain you are living together now and suggest next time you come it would be nice if you could share a bed as you do at home.

If you find she is very unhappy about the idea, it’s up to you how often you visit in future.

Q I’m in a steady relationship and have been taking the pill for the past two years but my problem is, because I am so disorganised, I keep forgetting to take it.

My partner then uses a condom, which we both hate and I’d really like to find an alternative.

I’ve heard about a contraceptive injection that lasts several months which sounds ideal.

How do I find out more about this?

A I suggest you talk to your GP or else visit a family planning clinic, there are many alternatives to the pill to explore.

There are a great many possibilities that might suit you and if you go to the FPA website (fpa.org.uk) you will find a guide to the various options under “Help and Advice”.

Some methods will have side effects you may be uncomfortable with, so consider what’s what before talking to a doctor.

Finally, please remember that a condom does more than just provide protection from pregnancy.

Be aware that condoms also help prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, including the HIV virus.

Q I’ve only been married for 10 weeks and I love my husband to bits.

We had never spent the night together before we were married and I’ve never slept with anyone else in the room before.

I could cope if it was just the background noise of him snuffling and breathing, but he snores! It’s keeping me awake for hours.

My husband has noticed that I am tired all the time but denied everything when I pointed out that the reason was his snoring.

He’s a kind, loving, understanding man and I do love him, but this is really getting to me.

A Why don’t you record him, or better still, video him on your mobile phone?

I’d like to hope that once he realises he does have a problem he will be prepared to look for solutions.

He should first see a doctor to ensure he doesn’t have something simple like nasal polyps or a deviated septum – when the nasal passage cartilage is off-centre.