Doesn’t the tooth fairy know that there’s a recession on?

Bruno Mars

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One person who hasn’t been bitten by the recession is the tooth fairy.

Judging by the amount she’s raking in, she must be busy spending her way out of the triple-dipper.

My daughter Molly is one of the last in her class at school to lose her front teeth.

It got to a point where she was concerned that she was being left behind by her friends in the fang-replacement stakes.

When your child starts consuming more than one apple a day, there has to be a good reason for it.

It’s the hope that the crispiness of said apples will untether the sweetcorn-sized gnasher from its fleshy setting.

So anyway, it finally happened.

After freaking out all and sundry with her droopy snaggletooth hanging from her gum by a single sinew, Molly’s tiny peg gave up the fight.

Kerching!

Within a flap of the tooth fairy’s wings, Molly was brandishing the rootless weakling above her head like a Formula One driver holding a trophy on the top step of the podium.

‘Yeehaa, brilliant, I can’t wait to see how much I get for my first tooth – Eva got five pounds’ she exclaimed in a new, slightly lispy manner.

Now I’m the first to admit that I’m old, but I remember getting 20p for a tooth and hoping they’d get a shift on so that I could buy a Corgi version of James Bond’s Lotus Elite (£1.60).

Eight teeth in six months meant eating my bodyweight in Granny Smiths.

Granted that was a few moons ago, but surely five quid for a single tooth is a little over the odds?

The tooth fairy must be aware that we’re going through the toughest fiscal squeeze in living memory.

She needs to get real.

Clearly she’s not solely to blame for this over-pricing though.

I think someone somewhere is openly encouraging her to spend big, so we need to stand shoulder to shoulder as parents, guardians, brothers and sisters.

What I propose is that we all agree on a standardised pricing policy for teeth.

I’m a frugal fella and I’m happy to lead the campaign.

So £5 is fine – per kilo.

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