Don’t know what’s going on? You need Layman’s Olympics

Chris Froome

Chris Froome

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The Rio Olympics have started with so much hype and excitement. How many medals will Team GB win this time round?

The BBC, as ever, is on it. Presenting and punditry is top notch. Clare Balding is superb and Helen Skelton’s outfits are entertaining!

One wonders how they don’t burn themselves when they fall on hot sand wearing so little.

But it’s all very in-depth. So this is where I come in. I know nothing about canoeing, fencing or clay pigeon shooting, so on my Wave 105 show we’ve introduced Layman’s Olympics.

This is for everyone who doesn’t have a clue what’s going on, but wants to be somehow ‘up to speed’ with it.

What’s worth watching? The crew on my show have kept a beady eye out and Kate Weston has been very much interested in the male diving and the lack of material they’re wearing.

We were surprised by how attractive the female rugby players were. Not a cauliflower ear or broken nose in sight.

In the road cycling, in which Team GB didn’t win any medals, was there sabotage? Were drawing pins placed on the roads to stop Chris Froome and Lizzie Armitstead, just like those New Forest residents who try to prevent popular sportives?

Michael Coombes has been bringing us up to date with the female beach volleyball.

A graceful sport, especially in slow-motion, he reckons.

One wonders how they don’t burn themselves when they fall on hot sand wearing so little.

For me, it’s the table tennis. Whenever I’ve played, my thighs have been well and truly up tight to the table.

But when I watched the Olympic version, the British chap was back as far as row Z and his opponent ending up batting it back from the car park!

Then there’s the serve. Face contorted with concentration, it’s disguised to look like it’s about to be hit into orbit, only for the ball to be caressed over the net.

Growing up, table tennis was one up from tiddlywinks, the difference being, you work up a sweat with ‘ping-pong’.

Coming up on Layman’s Olympics. Can the fencers really see anything out of those helmets and did the Russian in the clay pigeon shooting really cheat by using a 12-bore?

SORRY IS NOT ENOUGH - OFSTED BOSS HAS FAILED AND SHOULD GO

I’m still reeling from the fact that the chairman of Ofsted hasn’t resigned after his appalling comments about people from the Isle of Wight.

In a speech to teachers at the Teach First conference in Leeds, David Hoare said it was full of poor white people, living in ghettos where inbreeding happens.

He insulted Portsmouth too, suggesting you’d expect those comments to be about the city and not the island.

Yes, it’s true that the island does suffer from high unemployment and relies heavily on tourism.

But two years into his leadership, school results are still poor on the island.

Surely then, Mr Hoare has failed in his job and should go?

Saying sorry is simply not enough.

IT IS THE SIMPLE THINGS THAT MAKE THIS GEEKY CHAP HAPPY

Could last weekend have been any better for a slightly geeky chap like me?

On Saturday I was at Fratton Park to enjoy the first Pompey game of the season.

I left frustrated by the result, but feeling positive about some of our play.

Then on Sunday I was driving vintage buses at the Provincial Society’s running day at Stokes Bay.

I had the privilege of driving my friend Darren’s single decker Leyland National 2.

She’s just left the paint shop in her original 1984 green and white livery and looks great.

If you caught a bus in Fareham or Gosport in the ’80s or ’90s, I bet you’ve been on her.

Even my son Freddie came out for a ride. It’s the simple things that make me happy!

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