Well folks, I’ve simply got to mention Fern’s fashion faux pas.
On last Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing I couldn’t concentrate on TV presenter Fern Britton’s fancy footwork in her salsa because of - BACK FAT!
The routine began as a bit of a deja vu moment as Fern (55), in a short cerise, backless, fringed frock, began her performance at the judges’ desk by shaking her booty.
Spookily similar to the previous week when Girls Aloud’s Kimberley Walsh (30), in a short red, backless, fringed frock, did the same booty-shaking intro.
But the difference is 25 years and firm and not-so-firm flesh.
Fern’s skimpy dress had what looked like a nude body stocking underneath (tulle illusion). But the back fat still wobbled about. It had a life of its own dear.
So why am I having a bit of a bitch about the nation’s darling Ms Britton?
Because for years I was in the rag trade and I would try and help female customers not to look like a ‘sack of spuds’ from behind by offering them the benefit of a ‘rear view’ mirror.
Most refused to look. As long as their front seemed okay, why should they care about their rear end? That was the attitude.
Remember the pop group Atomic Kitten? Well, as my customers left I would mutter under my breath ‘there goes another Atomic Mutton dear’.
Yes, most of me is bagging and sagging down to the shagpile, but one does try to camouflage all those dodgy bits.
Even the 61-year-old divine double D dumplings have been told ‘girls, once you wrinkle, out of sight you go ‘.
And finally...sorry. but John Lewis’s £6m Christmas snowman TV advert will not get me to shop there.
Last week I purchased, in a Portsmouth fabric shop, six sets of shoulder pads, a pack of needles, two needle threaders and 3m of maribou trimming. Total cost? £9.59.
Price of the same (but a bit better quality ) at Knight and Lee in Southsea? £33.50.
Lovely store and all that, but I’m afraid it’s a bit too costly for me.
A case of cute snowman, not so cute prices.