As a lifelong football fan (Pompey, of course) I was delighted to receive in my Christmas stocking a book that had me laughing out loud for hours.
If you’re a lover of the game, The Big Book of Football’s Funniest Quotes (Carlton Books, £12.99) really is a hoot.
Allow me to share a few gems with you.
‘There’s no in-between – you’re either good or bad. We were in-between.’ – Gary Lineker.
‘We must have had 99 per cent of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match.’ – Ruud Gullit
‘I would have given my right arm to be a pianist.’ – Bobby Robson
‘I never comment on referees and I’m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.’ – Ron Atkinson