Happy that Davina the goose has been saved from herself

Emma loves a piece of croissant smeared in jam
Emma loves a piece of croissant smeared in jam
Picture: PA Photo/thinkstockphotos

DEAR FIONA: Should I stay or should I go?

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Heartbreak and loneliness are terrible things to bear, especially at this time of year when everything seems to be hearts, flowers and wedding bells.

Luckily for Davina, the heartbroken Bishop’s Waltham goose, her cries for help after the loss of her soulmate, David, were heard by the local council and her MP.

Davina was on a pathway of self-destruction and something had to be done

She had become such a menace to drivers in the village, suddenly darting out from the roundabout that was her home, that something had to be done.

There could be no more hold-ups. There could be no more furious pecking of tyres by a very angry bird.

Davina was on a pathway of self-destruction and something had to be done.

She now has a new home thanks to Andy Rafferty of Denmead Poultry, who not only sells eggs and farm produce but also, as I know first hand, sells excellent Christmas trees.

Hopefully this December when I visit his business I’ll be able to hear the happy honks of Davina settled in her new home and not terrorising the chickens or chasing Andy’s customers away.

That Davina’s story has made it from a village roundabout to national news is no surprise.

After all we’re a nation of animal-lovers.

Plus, many people reading this will know how it feels to be driven to distraction by heartbreak.

Hopefully none of us have gone so far as to do a Tiananmen Square-style protest in front of a line of traffic.

But then perhaps none of us has ever felt the need to honk at something in the hope it’ll honk back.

Davina the BW goose has her own Twitter account now, of course.

As I write this, she’s busy reminiscing about the time some blokes were bundling her into the back of a van.

She’s also bemoaning the bird feed that she’s been given for breakfast.

It’s a nice end to quite a sorry tale of how a goose lost her gander and didn’t know where to turn for help.

I hope every story of a love lost has just as much of a happy ending.

It is the season for them, after all.

I’VE ALWAYS BROKEN A BIT OFF AND GOT COVERED IN CRUMBS

I had a bit of a crisis last week. Fresh from the crisp snow of Les Alpes and yearning after my morning croissants, I read that Tesco is swapping its curved croissants for straight ones.

The change is not what brought about my crisis — to be honest, I couldn’t give a fig if Tesco sells its croissants in curves, straight or shaped like Kim Kardashian’s derriere.

No, it was the reason for the change that had me wondering.

Apparently the supermarket is changing its croissant shape because people find it easier to cut them in half and spread them with jam or whatever.

I’ve always done the ‘break a bit off, smear it with jam, eat it and then spend the rest of the day brushing crumbs off your top’ thing.

I’D LOVE THEM TO FIND CHESTS OF BULLION, JEWELS AND BOUNTY

How cool that a ship’s cannon was found buried in the sea bed, a relic of Portsmouth’s historic shipping past.

Apparently it wasn’t part of an ancient shipwreck and was found on its own. Which kind of begs the question of how it got there.

Did some hapless matelot drop it over the side while it was being brought on board? Did the ship list a little too far and it rolled off the side? Awkward.

But I do wonder what other historic treasures will be found during the harbour-dredging in preparation for the arrival of the first of the Queen Elizabeth Class aircraft carriers next year.

The romantic in me would quite like there to be chests of bullion, jewels and bounty buried in the silt of Portsmouth Harbour.