Hola! The sun has got its hat on and it’s full of tapas

Mo Farrah after missing out on a gold medal
				 Picture: Adam Davy

VERITY LUSH: Leave me to browse the make-up counter in peace

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Maria Duran, a 54-year-old Spanish woman, has claimed the sun as her own and tried to sell it off for 74p per square metre on an internet auction site. She got 600 orders before eBay pulled the plug, claiming it to be a scam.

Isn’t the sun essentially just a massive ball of gas? What land is there to sell? What were people hoping for when they bought this?

I’m not paying anything – not until she stops the damn thing disappearing every night

‘Don’t worry kids, no camping this year. Daddy’s bought a prime piece of land. I’ve heard the weather’s marvellous – sun all year round.

‘Oh love, don’t forget to pick up some factor 30 when you go the shops, I’ve got a feeling we might need it.’

When she becomes the first person to land on the fiery beast I want to see where she plants her flag. Only then will I consider having a fiver’s worth of land.

Duran is planning to start charging everyone who uses the sun with a ‘sun tax’.

Good luck with that one, because I’m not paying anything – not until she stops the damn thing disappearing every night.

And anyway she can expect a swift letter from my solicitor for back in 1997 I fell asleep in the back garden and subsequently ‘her’ sun cooked me like a turkey. There were no warning signs about the sun being hot, or that it could cause burning through prolonged exposure.

She’s a bit of rice and a mussel short of a paella.

She hasn’t thought it through properly for how does she plan to defend ‘her sun’? I’ve seen the conspiracy videos on YouTube. The aliens have already arrived and they’re draining that big ball of gas for all its worth.

What’s she going to do when it’s all out of energy and there’s a queue of disgruntled people stretching from her front door, half-way around the world, wanting scarves and beanie hats?

They’ll all be coming to me because I’ve just claimed Venus and I can tell you, it is hot up here!

Anyway Duran is now suing eBay for breach of contract and has been backed by the Spanish government which will receive half of all the profits she makes.

The Spanish eh? Next they’ll be claiming Gibraltar as their own...