I’m in the spare room next time I do a breakfast show

Clive Smith says he would not like to arm wrestle athlete Caster Semenya 		Picture: Martin Rickett/PA Wire

CLIVE SMITH: English pigs? Don’t bite the hand that feeds you

0
Have your say

I’ve just finished a week of hosting the Wave 105 breakfast show whilst usual presenter (and fellow News columnist) Steve Power has been taking a well-earned rest.

For someone who has hosted breakfast shows for 14 years, I know how important those regular breaks are for the system to re-charge.

I love hosting breakfast shows. It’s the best time of the day to be on the radio. Setting people up with a sense of the day, interacting with callers and having the licence to just have some fun with the news and your own life.

But with it comes a downside. I tried to be as quiet as a mouse with slippers on as my alarm sounded at 4.15am and the radio softly announced the start of my day.

The previous night I would lay out my clothes on the spare bed. In the morning I’d tip-toe into the bathroom, closing the door tightly so not even the slightest shard of light would disturb my wife’s slumber.

Freezing like the ‘secret Lemonade drinker’ on the classic advert every time a floorboard would creak, I’d dress, slip down the stairs and go off to work.

By 8pm I’ve been like a zombie. I’ve spent the day jetlagged, fighting the desire to drift into a rewarding sleep.

By 9pm it’s been time to climb the wooden hills to Bedfordshire. Out like a light, I’ve had a warm feeling inside at the seven hours’ sleep I was about to get. Perfect.

But at 11pm a strange noise has entered my dreams, like a bumble bee from pre-historic times. It’s chasing me, it’s huge. Then a blinding light, the stuff of nightmares.

Am I following ‘the light’ after being stung by the bee?

No, my wife has been using her electric toothbrush and has put her bedside light on to read a book.

Heart pounding, I’ve woken up. For some reason, the radio alarm went off really loudly the next morning.

I ‘fell’ into the light switch and decided to use Sarah’s electric toothbrush whilst standing on the squeakiest floorboard I could find.

Apparently I’ll be sleeping in the spare room the next time I cover for Steve on the breakfast show!