I’m no prude, but the girls were practically undressed

Mel Gibson as Kurt Mayron, Mark Wahlberg as Dusty Mayron, Will Ferrell as Brad Taggart and John Lithgow as Don Taggart in Daddy's Home 2. Picture: PA Photo/Paramount Pictures/Claire Fogler.

CHERYL GIBBS: Not a great film, but I still balled my eyes out

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Have you been following the developing burka saga in France? You know, where full-face veils have been banned and then officials tried to prosecute two wearers, but couldn’t as the ladies in question weren’t allowed access into the courts as their faces were covered (oh, the irony).

Last week I went to a lecture about the art of blogging and social media at the uni in Portsmouth – don’t worry, this will all tie in with burkas in a minute, so bear with me.

The lecture was part of a future skills festival which is taking place in Portsmouth (port.ac.uk/cibas). I haven’t quite got to grips with having an online presence yet, but now I’m all fired up to sort out a website, link myself into everything and twitter away (@zellacompton).

Anyway, I caught the Gosport ferry to get there and on my way home, about half-past nine or so, I couldn’t help but be struck by the dress sense of some young ladies who were heading for a night out.

Sorry, did I just say dress sense? What dresses? These girls – significantly younger than me, but not that much thinner – were wearing practically nothing.

Now I’m not a prude. I appreciate fashion, but the sight was laughable. And, to be honest, gross.

Breasts, bums and thighs were bulging out of the skimpiest of fabrics. They were all trying to pull and prod bits back in, yanking garments up and down, no doubt to protect their modesty.

What made it worse, or funnier, was that this was on top of massive heels, so none of them could even walk. It was totty tottering.

I’d be the first to admit that I’ve gone out in clothing which isn’t that comfortable. But these girls were falling apart at the seams.

Is this the way that the young women of Gosport set about getting a partner? Do the local young men have one-track minds and need to be visually stimulated?

And here’s where burkas come back in. Imagine if there was a burka night once a month, so you could still go clubbing but covered head to toe. Then you’d get to know people for who they are, not what they look like or wear.

Unlikely I know, but it would stop the unsightly problem of garment slippage.