I’m on Bogwatch after my pal had a nightmare journey home

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To be honest, folks, I’d rather have a good old gossip about what my girlie pals are complaining about – flashing the flab!

By that they mean men in our shops and cafes with their bulbous bare beer bellies hanging over their baggy shorts.

Yuksville.

I know we’re having gloriously sunny weather, but, purleese, keep the bare blubber for the beach, blokes.

Unfortunately, that’s it because I was on Bogwatch last weekend.

It began at 3pm last Saturday.

As I approached the ladies’ loo at Canoe Lake I could hear a commotion.

Frustrated women spending a penny were calling out ‘there’s no toilet paper in here’.

It turned out six of the nine toilets didn’t have any paper.

More council cuts, is it?

Soon it’ll be 20p to pee, and bring your own bog roll.

On Sunday afternoon as Luscious Lez, who is confined to a mobility scooter, and myself strolled along Southsea promenade, she was telling me her disabled toilets experience of the previous Friday.

LL had trundled off the Gosport ferry around 4pm. She’d had a long day and needed to get home. But nature called, so off to the harbour station’s disabled loo.

LL has a special radar key to open the door – except found it locked.

Off to Gunwharf Quays where the main toilets were closed, possibly for cleaning?

Scootered off to Old Portsmouth arches - sign on disabled loo door ‘toilets closed’.

Aargghh!!!

Luscious said she was getting really distressed by now, but the Clarence Pier toilets were on her way home.

Disabled toilet – locked.

In a terrible state LL went to Mozzarella Joe’s, whose policy is toilets for customers only. But on hearing her predicament they kindly let her use their loo.

That’s four disabled toilets inaccessible on this occasion. Plus the sign by the side of Canoe Lake toilets that points to the beach ‘disabled access to beach terrace’. Ooh sounds posh eh. It’s a concrete ramp to...naff all dear.

Portsmouth, the Waterfront City – disabled un-friendly.