I might have my bottom bronzed

Children adore being spoilt by their grandparents, but is it too much?

VERITY LUSH: Don’t blame gran for kids munching on e-numbers

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Folks, I’m thinking of having my bottom bronzed.

Last Thursday I was coming back from the osteopath, again.

I was feeling a bit down in the dumps for it appears my back pain is permanent due to a mass of scar tissue, knotted muscles and, wait for it, old age.

Aaarrgh! So, armed with the realisation that I’m sliding down the slippery slope to slipperdom, what’s a gal to do? Eat fish and chips.

Waiting for my fishy feast, I wandered off along Highland Road in Southsea.

Displayed in a shop window were gold and bronze painted 3D casts of baby’s hands and feet.

My newshoundess nostrils twitched. Not only do they make kiddiwinks castings, but also adult body bits and bobs.

Get my drift darlings? Cheeky!