I turned the air blue ranting at my new pink mobile phone

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What the *!*! is this ?’, I ranted.

‘The *!*! ing thing is only two thirds of the proper size, and it won’t fit into the holes – I don’t believe it!’ Aarrgghhh!

Of course folks, it’s going to be technical – like a new pink mobile phone with a charger that will not fit into the wall socket.

Listen, I’m a right-brained geriatric bimbo, which means I’m creative, artistic, all the arty-farty stuff.

My logical left brain, well, it has its moments, but in general it doesn’t like to think in straight lines. It thinks in zig-zags, and has no patience whatsoever, none, zilch (go online to ‘left brain v right brain’, it’s great fun).

I’d only bought the phone two hours earlier at The Carphone Warehouse in Palmerston Road precinct.

I was chuffed to fluffy balls. It was only £20, but I’ve never had a new mobile before, mine have always been hand-me-downs.

So, even though it was a little cheapy, it was a treat.

The customer consultant, Jonathan, had been really helpful, and while we were waiting for the paperwork to be authorised, he told me he was doing the London to Brighton bike ride to raise funds for the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

MAWF grants wishes for children and young people fighting life threatening

conditions. Since being established in the UK in 1986, they have granted more than 8700 wishes.

Did you know that the first phone call from a

mobile handset was made on April 3, 1974. It weighed 1.1kg and measured 228.6x127x44.4mm.

You got 20 minutes of talk time and it took 10 hours to charge.

And finally, back to the charger plug.

Very frustrated, I phoned Carphone Warehouse, wailing: ‘My charger plug is too small, it’s not big enough to fit the wall socket.

‘Oh that’s easy’, came the reply. ‘Just place your finger under the top pin and lift. It extends up and becomes full size. They make them like that to fit into the box.’

‘Thanks’, and I replaced the receiver.

‘Huh!’ I ranted. ‘Who’s going to know to do that?’

No instructions in the box. Don’t they know that right-brained people buy mobiles as well...mutter mutter mutter....