I’ve ditched the cabbage diet for exercise and eating less

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Well it’s back to pounding the streets at a most ungodly hour of the morning for me before hitting the gym – once I have had my double shot latte.

No more will I slob out on the sofa until midday with a family-sized bag of Minstrels, grimacing at the antics of the general public on Jeremy Kyle and listening to the delightful monotones of Jezza, the thinking woman’s crumpet, who at times resembles an outraged pitbull even though he is rather cute.

Anyway, hopefully, the expanding spare tyre is about to be deflated.

Over the years I have attempted every diet known to man and woman. Did you know the average woman will have tried at least 61 different diets by the time she’s 45?

I have been on a fair few and they have worked in the short term.

The worst was the cabbage soup one with its unpleasant side effect – wind. Friends would only vist if all the windows were wide open. And the cats? Well, they went awol for nearly a month.

I have also gone down the pills and potions route, experimenting with that herbal stuff which absorbs the fat in your food and expands in your stomach to make you feel fuller.

To be fair it did work for quite a while, but I ,just spent most of the time in the loo and my wee smelled like grass,.

There really is no magic bullet for losing weight and anyone that offers a so-called miracle shortcut is a charlatan.

Personally I think the most sensible way to lose weight is to eat less and exercise more.

It’s as easy as opening your front door and walking down the street.

There is no need for fancy gear or expensive trainers, though I do prefer the atmosphere of the gym. It’s a great place to people-watch.

There are the perky, ultra-thin women who arrive with full slap on, not a hair out of place and perfectly sculpted muscles. The most fun is watching their make-up melt as they get hot and sweaty.

If your diet does go pear-shaped don’t despair. Just stand next to someone who is fatter than you and never trust your dog to watch your dinner.