I’ve got a great idea for a TV show - Celebrities On Thin Ice

Lesley's delighted that pole dancing may soon be an Olympic sport                       Credit: PA

LESLEY KEATING: Pole dancing’s not seedy – it’s vertical gymnastics

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Reality TV and the ‘stars’ that underpin its success have never really floated my boat.

Although I’ve come up with a format that I’m trying to get commissioned.

It’s called Celebrities On Thin Ice. We take 20 of the UK’s most irksome wannabes to Greenland and find a giant frozen lake.

The general public then vote on who has to walk across the lake each night.

That person then has to shuffle from one side to the other – if the ice fails and they fall in, they have to haul themselves out. Then they can go home.

But if they don’t manage to haul themselves out, sadly the show and our wider society has one less mouth to feed. Brutal...but fair.