It’d be more entertaining to hang bread on the stairs

Mutiny Festival 2017 Picture: Paul Windsor

Keep children safe – but beware the nanny state

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I’m not sure if the old adage that you learn a new thing every day is still true when you reach the ripe old age of 44.

By then you’ve forgotten quite a lot of what you think you might have learnt, but you’re not sure if you have so who knows if it’s new or not?

One thing that I learned for certain this weekend which I didn’t know before is that there are TV channels for dogs

But one thing that I learned for certain this weekend which I didn’t know before is that there are TV channels for dogs.

Yep, you read that right. TV channels for dogs and they’re subscription channels, paid for with real money.

This news has confused me somewhat because I’m absolutely sure that, once upon a time, I learned that dogs couldn’t see in 2D. Thus all the barking at the TV was because of background noise and not what was on screen.

So why would anyone make dog TV? Billed as soothing for when the owner is out, I sat down to watch a few snippets of the canine channel in an attempt to understand the charm.

The first clip was of clouds, with some rather cheery classical music playing softly in the background. I also seem to remember being told once that dogs can’t look up – so maybe this is designed as a treat to help out with that?

I also know, though, that’s it’s a complete fallacy as my dog looked up with great delight at a tree hung with bread the other day.

Yes, someone has been decorating branches with slices of bread – for the birds, I assume.

My slobbery hound, after realising he couldn’t jump that high, sat underneath it with such an expression of upward-directed glumness I’d have almost felt sorry for him had he followed on behind me.

But no, he wasted any pity by staying under the tree and just hoping against hope that a piece of the bread might unexpectedly fall into his mouth.

Anyhow, the second clip was of a dog surfing and the third I can’t even recall as I was busy trying to entice the dog to watch by shoving a screen in his general direction under the kitchen table.

Will we be subscribing to the doggy channel after his underwhelmed response? Not likely. It’d be much more entertaining to hang bread from the bannisters.