It’s about time we had a vote on government policies

Boris Johnson
Boris Johnson
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There’s going to be a referendum in June, in case you hadn’t heard, about whether or not the UK should stay in the EU.

Brilliant. But I think we should be adding a few more questions to the sheet, so that we can get a comprehensive overview of what the people of the UK want for their respective countries.

Water that can be set alight as it pours from a tap is a particularly impressive video

All I see in the national print media, and online, is disappointment with the current government and its policies and I think it’s about time that we had a vote on a few of them.

Let’s start with fracking. Who actually wants this to happen? There’s evidence from the USA and Australia about the environmental damage – water that can be set alight as it pours from a tap is a particularly impressive video.

I see protesters and scientists and environmentalists, none of whom agree that fracking is a good idea. And then we have the government hell-bent on pushing it through against all those wishes. So a tick box for an in and out of fracking would be illuminating.

What about education? How many of the people that the government purports to represent truly believe that the new GCSE design – exam-based – is the best way to test children? Especially when no-one works alone in the real world? Truly alone without recourse to a second opinion?

That would be an enlightening tick box too. The education section questions could be vast – cutting away the support for creative subjects (which bring billions to the UK economy) is a good idea: yes / no?

How about this one? Government ministers should have practical experience in the department they chose to run before taking office, yes or no? How helpful might that be, giving power to people who have actually experienced each industry first-hand?

The list is endless. There could be a whole section on pay and contracts, about junior doctors and MPs. A bit about TTIP would also be great (look it up if you don’t know, it’s scary), plus maybe a section on holding multi-nationals to account.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more questions there are which I would really like to know the answer to.

LUCKILY FOR THEM, WE’RE NOT BOTHERED BY HOW THEY LOOK

There I am looking at the front page of a newspaper online and I see pictures of Boris Johnson and Donald Trump next to each other.

And it strikes me that, were they to be women, the media would be all over them for their lack of grooming, hair on end, the colour of Trump’s skin (he appears orange, there is no way to deny it) and the shabbiness which seems to cloak them both.

But luckily for them, we’re not bothered by what they wear or how they look, we’re simply enthralled by the bizarre words that come out of their mouths.

Can you imagine a world where they become our leaders? I’d love to be a fly on that wall as one tried to outshock, while the other tried to out-bumble. Truly an entertaining – yet shambolic – future.

WHAT ON EARTH IS THE MATTER WITH PEOPLE WHO ACT LIKE THIS?

Truly disturbing news that a young dolphin was pulled from the waters in Argentina and passed around for people to take selfies on the beach.

The dolphin then died after being out of the water for too long.

Later people claimed the dolphin was already dead – so they were taking selfies with a corpse.

You have to ask what on earth is the matter with people who act like that, whichever version is true.

Surely there is something deficient in their brain?

Research suggests that carrying a mobile in a jeans pocket can decrease a man’s sperm count. Is it now time to look at how much carrying a mobile decreases your overall brain power?

Seriously, get a currency other than selfies.