I sometimes wonder about the people who walk amongst us.
I overheard a conversation the other day in which folk were discussing the weather (before the recent rainy spell).
Now talking about the weather is a fairly normal pastime for the English. But this time it quickly descended into farce.
One said it was the driest summer on record. The other responded: ‘I know, I can’t believe it, someone should do something about it.’
What exactly is someone going to do, then? Is there a direct line to God?
‘Hey big man, my runner beans need a water, send some rain my way please.’
Later that day I read a list of stupid complaints people have sent into travel agents.
One read: ‘It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.’
Unbelievable. It’s frightening that these people are driving on the same roads as us and possibly caring for our children.
What were they expecting from the travel agent? An intensive programme to re-align the Earth’s plates?
Another said: ‘No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.’
Wow. I’m sure if there was a question on Family Fortunes to name something in the sea, fish would be the top answer.
It’s because of people like this we now have the daft warnings that coffee may be hot and a packet of dry roasted nuts may contain, er, nuts.
If you burn yourself on the coffee, it’s probably your own fault. Just stop whinging and run it under cold water.
And withdrawing a brand of monkey nuts from sale because there were no warnings they contained nuts is just bonkers.
Monkey nuts. Isn’t the clue in the name?
My favourite complaint, though, is this one: ‘They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband, who just wanted to relax.’
Oh I’m sure he did. It sounds like he had a terrible time of it. Seeing all those scantily-clad women must have really ruined his holiday.