So the royal baby has finally arrived and it was a big occasion in the Smith household.
The missus, being a great royalist, was glued to Sky News for two whole days.
Meanwhile I busied myself in the garden building a slide and cursing ants’ nests.
The kids were caught up in the royal frenzy that the missus had created.
Cartoons took a backseat and even the previously relentless cartwheels around the lounge stopped.
They were all transfixed, itching to find out the baby’s name.
You see, we’d organised a family sweepstake when Kate’s pregnancy was first announced.
But they were sorely disappointed when, firstly, it was a boy and, secondly, the baby wasn’t called Ellie.