KIERAN HOWARD: There was no one to tell to get their head out of the dog’s bowl

Two's company...

I’ve just sampled a reminder of what life was like before marriage and children. The silence was deafening.

Kerrie and the boy went up to ‘Nanna Luton’s’ for a few days.

You might remember that Nanna was the first of Louie’s grandparents, and still the only one, to get a tattoo of his name.

The others have got some catching up to do on the inking front, as have I.

Anyway, their trip to Bedfordshire allowed me to live and eat like a king for a week.

Well, as close to a king as you can get when you have to rely on freezer food for dinner and live in a terraced house with stunning views of a busy main road.

It’s not quite been Champagne and caviar all the way, but it has been TV remote and Sky TV all the way.

And that is all that matters as far as I’m concerned.

It’s so true that it’s the simple pleasures in life which count.

I rarely have any say about what appears on our television these days.

CBeebies, ITVBe, the soaps and Don’t Tell the Bride tend to dominate our box. Aren’t I the lucky one?

Therefore, I fully maximised my monopoly on the telly on returning home from work each evening.

It was films, boxed sets, football, Aircrash Investigation, Sky News and endless repeats of Only Fools and Horses.

Oh yes, I really know how to live.

I ate as much garbage as I wanted too, and even left my shoes by the back door.

Now, that’s a really brave move in our house.

I’m usually told to relocate them in their correct stowage area within seconds of abandoning them.

To make matters worse, even Louie has now picked up on his mother’s orders and has started reminding me where they should actually go.

I made the most of their absence though and was free from any lectures from either of them.

As you can imagine, it was eerily quiet without a manic toddler darting around.

It was also strange not having to discourage him from launching himself off the sofa or attempting to dunk his head in the dog’s water bowl.

So I actually began to relax a little and it was marvellous.

Don’t worry though, I’m now fully back in one-year-old child mode and all the chaos that goes with it.

By all accounts, the little livewire enjoyed every moment of his break away.

But then who wouldn’t when they’re overloaded with new toys and teddies and get to dine out every day?

By the way, does anyone have a room we could hire to store all his new possessions?

BIG THANKS TO STORM BRIAN FOR SPARING ME GOSPORT BOROUGH

Postponements of children’s activities lead to stressful times for parents. We’ve had to suffer a host of cancelled events recently.

Storm Brian put paid to pumpkin-picking as well as a trip to the football. Thanks Brian.

Mind you, to be honest, the latter cancellation was probably a blessing in disguise.

Louie’s had to witness Gosport concede more than enough goals this season, so at least a waterlogged pitch spared him that suffering.

It won’t be long before he’s watching the Privett Park outfit lose 5-0 again though.

Three of his last five Little Kickers sessions have also had to be rearranged. I can’t blame the weather for that though as they’re indoors.

All of which meant us scratching our heads as we tried to keep the little fella entertained.

Thankfully, he’s still of an age where a pop-up tent, an indoor slide and a long hall are enough to appease him for a few hours on a wet and windy Saturday.

Whether they appease me, however, is another question entirely.

We like to get the boy out because it does him the world of good – relieving his boredom and keeping him happy and on side.

I like to get out and about for very similar reasons.

I’ll be staying tuned to the latest forecast in the coming weeks.

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