Like diva Dolly, I’ve had wig woe

Dolly Parton
Dolly Parton

KIERAN HOWARD: Thanks very much for the hand, foot and mouth disease Louie

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For sheer devilment, I describe myself to people who ask as a combination of Lily Savage, Miss Piggy and Dolly Parton.

I simply adore diva Dolly and, like Ms Parton, I’ve worn hairpieces all my adult life.

So, when reading an interview Dolly was giving recently, I roared with laughter when she described the day she ‘lost’ her wig, because it reminded me of a similar situation that once happened to me.

Dolly was cycling in the countyside and as she rode into a little grove an overhanging tree got caught in her wig and there it was hanging on a branch.

Well, years ago, I’d been invited to a posh party out ‘over the hill’.

I was dolled up to the nines and when I got there the venue was still under construction and the ground, due to overnight rain, was like a quagmire.

So worried was I about my four inch stilettos sinking into the mud that I didn’t realise I’d parked under a tree with low hanging branches.

As I tippy-toed through the mud I suddenly came to an abrupt halt.

What the heck? Well my wig was caught in a branch and I could not move.

Guests who thought I was just stuck in the mud kept calling out to me ‘Are you OK ?’

Panic stricken, I was still yelling back ‘Yes, fine.’

Anyway, I got free eventually but later in the evening a merry gent whispered in my ear: ‘Why have you got a large twig in your hair?’

In my day we would refer to the three divas – Lily, Miss Piggy and Dolly – as fabulous.

But in today’s terminology, a different word might be used. Have you noticed recently how ‘iconic’ everything is?

Celebrity babes, books, buildings etc.

All of them are now described as iconic.

Locally, the Grade Two listed building, The Market House Tavern in Mile End Road, may be replaced with a 14 storey hotel that the developers have called iconic.

But 14 storeys of concrete – iconic ?

I don’t think so.