Low fat? More like low quality

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The red squirrel is in decline across the UK   
Picture by Harry Hogg

ALICE ASHCROFT: The plight of the red squirrel

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Union figures suggest that the number of British workers who routinely work night shifts is on the rise.

I was trying to think of what the best thing about working nights is, and I think I’ve worked it out.

The best thing has got to be all that incredibly fresh food. Because, if you think about it, a large percentage of the people who work nights in this country are going to be bakers.

I know working nights is tough, but what a consolation – all those incredibly fresh doughnuts.

n A friend of mine almost dislocated her jaw recently after trying to get her mouth round a triple-decker burger in a restaurant.

I blame these posh burger restaurants springing up everywhere for making their burgers too big.

Don’t get me wrong, I like burgers, but there should be some rules to presenting them which would ensure this sort of thing never happens. I like these two rules:

1) If you buy a burger in a restaurant and eat in, it should never have to have a giant cocktail stick through it to stop it collapsing.

If it can’t stand up on the plate on its own, then it’s just too big.

2) A burger should never have more than three extra things inside the bun it comes with, otherwise it becomes too unstable. So, they shouldn’t be allowed to serve big burgers with bacon, cheese, onion rings and salad inside.

It’s just too much to get your mouth round.

n Still on the subject of food, I reckon I’ve discovered the worst diet version of a traditional food.

In my opinion, low fat coleslaw is the worst tasting healthy version of a food there is. It tastes SO different to the full-fat one, it’s not even close.

Try it and see if I’m right, or suggest another low-fat or diet version of a foodstuff that tastes even worse. I’d love to find out if there is one.

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