Man and suitcase – two creased words which will never compute

The Great South Run

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Ihave come up with a great business idea. You know how at Christmas time you have people in shops who wrap your gifts for you, the gift-wrapping service?

Well, what is the one thing men find harder than wrapping Christmas gifts?

Packing suitcases for summer holidays.

My idea is ‘a holiday packing service’.

It would be a great job for people with good spatial awareness.

You could go around to people’s houses before they go on holiday and pack their cases for them as efficiently as possible.

That way they can deal with the hassle of squeezing everything in and you can just relax.

You could charge about £5 a case. What do you think?

The only flaw with my business idea is when they ask that all-important question at airport security: ‘Did you pack that bag yourself, sir?’

My friend has just discovered what he believes is the worst thing about coming back from holiday.

It’s not the fact he has gone back to work.

It’s not that he has come home to a big pile of bills.

It’s that while he was away he didn’t arrange for anyone to look after his pot plants.

Now, 90 per cent of them have died and he is mortified.

So, I was thinking perhaps we could have a competition – let’s see who can kill the most pot plants while they’re away on holiday.

My friend killed 12. See if you can do better.

And, talking of challenges, here is another for you.

I think I’ve found the most impossible food-related thing to achieve.

Get a new packet of penne pasta, that’s the small tubes of the stuff.

Now, when you get one of these packets you will see you’re supposed to pull it open at the top, in the same way you would pull open a packet of crisps.

But, however hard you try to pull open that packet in a normal way, you won’t be able to do it without the cellophane ripping all the way down one side of the packet and the contents spilling on the floor.

If you don’t believe me, try it. I reckon it cannot be done.

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