Move your head in slow motion and your hair will look fantastic

Clive Smith says he would not like to arm wrestle athlete Caster Semenya 		Picture: Martin Rickett/PA Wire

CLIVE SMITH: English pigs? Don’t bite the hand that feeds you

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Women, I have a great idea! If you want to have the sort of hair women in shampoo commercials have, all you have to do is learn how to move your head in slow motion because that’s the only reason their hair looks so good in these adverts.

The hair only looks lustrous and beautiful because it moves incredibly slowly.

If it didn’t, it would just look like a normal everyday barnet.

So just practice moving your head from side to side in slow motion all the time and you’ll look amazing, if a little insane.

n A roundabout in Tewkesbury that features a wooden horse statue has been named Roundabout of the Year. Does anyone else think having an attractive and unusual display in the middle of a roundabout isn’t actually a good idea?

You’re supposed to be concentrating on the traffic approaching from the right before you pull out.

Surely the Roundabout of the Year should be the one where there’s been the least number of accidents.

Also, is anyone else amazed that Milton Keynes didn’t win the award, given that the town consists of almost nothing else apart from roundabouts?

Just wondering!

n I think I’ve already found the most rubbish stocking filler for Christmas this year. It is the ‘Folding Shovel With Compass’ – only £4.99.

Why would you want this, unless you were a 16th century pirate with a map that had a big X on it marking some buried treasure?

n It’s always a pain having to go to work because in so many cases jobs can be really dull. So here’s an idea you could try to add a bit of risk to your day. If you work in an office and are dealing with e-mails, all day, just delete every third one you receive.

Delete it completely from your system. It’s like a work version of Russian roulette.