New experiences, but they just prove that I’m now old

No crib for a... sausage roll

ZELLA COMPTON: A 21st century curse – how does a family manage the TV recorder?

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I’m about to open myself up to three new experiences. The first is going to see folk rock band Noah and the Whale who, despite their frankly rubbish name, released one of the catchiest songs of the last decade in Five Years’ Time.

The second is Freaky and Mannish who perform odd, operatic cover songs of people like Whigfield.

The third is Glastonbudget, which is like Glastonbury only with fake bands emulating the real ones – so therefore much easier on the old cashflow front – and with a line-up spanning decades of my favourites

Oh dear. I used the word ‘catchiest’, I like arias and am going to see multiple cover bands who will only play the most well-known songs.

I am officially old. Game over.