No point e-mailing me when the kids are on the internet

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STEVE CANAVAN: Making a molehill out of Malcolm, my very minor ailment

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In light of the recent YouTube hacking of Sesame Street (puppet content was replaced with pornography), it occurred to me that it might be time to get some parental software on to the laptop.

Blimey, what a world of spying is available at the click of my mouse. I can, if I choose, see every digital conversation that the children have, limit the time available to them, block sites, block key words, block pretty much anything I choose.

I had no idea that I could be so masterful when it comes to the worldwide web.

The only downside is that, once I’ve done all this and the kids access something inappropriate, the software apparently e-mails me.

Which is an issue as, guess what? The children are on the internet.