Oh bollards – I’m turning into Catherine Tate’s grumpy Nan

BLAISE TAPP: Generation X’s retirement plans are heading for stormy waters

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OMG! Folks, I’m morphing into comedienne Catherine Tate’s obnoxious, potty-mouthed character Nan.

I’m mincing along Kingston Road the other day, and there reflected in a shop window was ME, stroppy shrug of shoulders, muttering and cussing under my breath – just like Nan.

Titter ye not.

As you know I’ve always been extremely vocal and opinionated about everything, but since I attained OAP status a couple of years ago I’ve got soooo cantankerous .

It’s not funny.

I ask our more mature readers, is it a rite of passage for pensioners to enjoy being crotchety? Or is it just me?

It seems that deep down in my DNA was a grumpy ol’ gal just waiting to break free.

Luckily my Nan moments only occur in Jemima Jalopy (my motor), watching the gogglebox or sashaying down the street.

Let’s see if you agree with a couple of recent rants.

Number one, Milton Road intersection:

Well sunshine I’ve driven that road for over 42 years.

And yes, it got a bit congested and challenging when two lanes merged into one when leaving Goldsmith Avenue traffic lights. But we had a right-hand lane to turn into Locksway Road.

Now it’s gone. We have one lane for all northbound traffic – and BOLLARDS!

I have never seen so many great lumps of concrete that now separate the traffic.

They even put a second set of small concrete lumps to ensure us ‘muppet motorists’ stay in one lane.

But, as I write this, where’s the (on the road), right turn arrow gone from Milton Road into Goldsmith Avenue?

Last week, just for a split second as I turned into Goldsmith Avenue, because there were no cars in the exit lane, and all those lumps of concrete, I was momentarily confused over my entrance lane. Crazy.

Wouldn’t you like to know how much that intersection cost?

Number two, Southsea Library:

On Tuesday, with my posterior perched on the porcelain, I glanced to my right.

On the floor was a vomit-inducing, vile, filthy, health hazard toilet brush and holder. Absolutely disgusting!

Get down to the £1 shop and replace it please!