Only One Direction for my bewitched cat to follow

Lesley's delighted that pole dancing may soon be an Olympic sport                       Credit: PA

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The door slowly creaked open and a woman with jet black hair faced me. ‘Hallo I’m Esme, a witch’. The colour suddenly drained from my face,

Ok Ash remain calm, you don’t know if she’s a good witch or a bad one, and it’s too late to run now, she’s spotted the cat basket. ‘I’m here to collect my new kitten,’ I said.

Nervously I followed her into the living room.

A one-eyed black cat glared at me suspiciously. Crystals and other mystic objects adorned the room. She vanished as if in a puff of smoke and reappeared with a bundle of silver grey fluff.

’This is the last one. He was born in a ritual circle listening to harp music. He likes that.’ I smiled and replied: ‘Well I only have One Direction on at home so he will have to like that. If not I will take him to The Kings and let him loose on the orchestra.’

Thrusting the money into her hand I left sharpish.

Why do weird things always seem to happen to me? And was that a cauldron I spotted outside masked as a plant pot?

We made it home safe and sound and after a very windy passage on the Gosport ferry.

The first few days it was like I had stepped into the Third World War as my diva older cat Aurora hissed, spat and refused to have anything to do with her new playmate, even holding me hostage in the walk-in wardrobe a few times as she sharpened her talons and set out to obliterate me.

It really is not much fun folks having to walk around the house wearing a body protector and wellies waving a catnip mouse in the air – and not a good look for the boyfriend.

A month on and the white flag is slowly going up and madam has decided to call a truce with Tao, who is half Bengal and half Moggie.

Bengals are very different to ordinary cats. Their meow is similar to a yappy dog and they love to climb and have a passion for water which I discovered the other evening as I found I was suddenly sharing my shower with said kitty. Hopefully, by the time you read this I will have two happy cats, although I can’t see Aurora wanting to share shower gel with Tao.