Please give me a toot as I need lots of encouragement

Clive Smith says he would not like to arm wrestle athlete Caster Semenya 		Picture: Martin Rickett/PA Wire

CLIVE SMITH: English pigs? Don’t bite the hand that feeds you

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Has it been a strange week for you too?

I had one of those situations where I was both happy and sad about getting back into the swing of things after the Christmas and new year break.

On the one hand, I had almost a month off and had the most amazing Christmas, made doubly special by our visit to New York.

I was really in one of those ‘bubbles’ – you know, the kind you used to have when you were a child, when you didn’t know what day of the week it was and you just felt all warm and fuzzy.

But on the other hand I needed to get back into January, if only so I could voluntarily staple my mouth shut!

Having only put on a pound-and-a-half in New York (which isn’t that bad given that we went for a week and the American’s don’t do anything by halves when it comes to portion sizes!) I certainly made up for it at Christmas.

I was like a woman possessed. Honestly, I shocked myself.

If it wasn’t nailed down, I ate it – or drank it.

Okay so I wasn’t quite that bad, but even though I worked out six times over Christmas I still managed to put on three pounds.

Oops, I really should have been more careful because on Wednesday this week I went for a bridal dress fitting.

Let’s just say that if I’d like to keep my ribs, I’m going to need to shed a stone or so.

That said, the size 8 dress (did I mention it was a size 8?) did do up.

But if I don’t want to look like a sausage being forced into its skin, then I’m going to need to hit the workouts hard.

So if you’re driving around Pompey and you see a pathetic sweaty betty pounding the streets looking like she’s about to pass out (I am so not a natural runner), please give me a toot because I need all the encouragement I can get!

No more takeaways, no more meals out, no wine (aarrggghhh, how will I ever cope?).

Basically I won’t have a life for the next four months, but I WILL look like a princess that belongs on top of a cake on my wedding day!