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Did you know that if you don’t eat your five portions of fruit and vegetables a day, you are breaking the law?

Well you are if you live in our house.

We’ve been battling with healthy food consumption for five years now and Molly has still never let a strawberry pass her lips.

If I beg, she’ll eat a banana and possibly an apple.

If we manage a fifth of the government’s healthy eating quota I get the bunting out.

Drastic times calls for drastic measures and I’ve told her that the police call me every night now and I have to give them an update on how much fruit has been eaten in our house.

On day one she was concerned and forced down a Granny Smith’s.

On day two she asked me to pretend that she’d eaten some plums when I received the call.

So now I’ve got a fruit-swerving five-year-old who has made me an accomplice in perverting the course of justice.