Presenting the Fish Scale of meteorological comparisons

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With the British weather fluctuating and simile-mad headline writers having a field day in the national press, this is the perfect week to produce my official Fleet Street table of meteorological comparisons.

I think we should call it the Fish Scale in honour of the only television weatherman not to recognise an approaching hurricane, even as it crept up behind and fluttered his trouser legs as he stood in the BBC studio.

This is the table in ascending order of cliché:

FS 1: Colder than the Himalayas

FS 2: Icier than Siberia

FS 3: Wetter than the Amazon basin

FS 4: Warmer than Bermuda

FS 5: Drier than the Sahara

FS 6: Hotter than Death Valley.