It’s that time of year when the kids are busy thinking up their Christmas lists.
A handful of ideas include Slush Puppy makers, Gross Magic, iPods and walkie talkies.
But the best I’ve seen so far is a snow leopard. And I’m not talking about teddy bear version. No, they want the real thing.
The kids came running down the stairs the other night with one of those leaflets that get posted through the door, asking for donations to help some endangered species or other.
‘Dad, dad, can we have a snow leopard for Christmas, they only cost £3. Can we have one?’
They didn’t quite understand that for your £3, you only get a teddy bear and a couple of photos a year.
If they were giving them away for £3 I’d have 20 of them roaming about the place. Throw in a few meerkats and rhinos and we’d have our own safari in the back garden.
Feeding the snow leopards would be a nightmare though. I’d have to spend all my money on meat raffle tickets up the local on a Sunday afternoon.
However, taking them for walks would be great fun. The face on the stereo-typical lad you see walking around Portsmouth, with his top off, can of Stella in one hand and walking a ‘staffy’ in the other, would be a treat.
But I’m pretty sure that a snow leopard wouldn’t take too kindly to a two-year-old tugging its tail at every opportunity.
And unless monkeys have been riding the leopards around the mountains, I don’t think they would be giving out ‘horsey rides’ very often.
I reckon the photos you receive every few months of your ‘adopted’ leopard must just be some stock photo of the same leopard, taken at different angles and sent out to thousands of people.
As if someone is going to trek around Himalayas, searching for your particular leopard.
No, a Slush Puppy maker would be a much better option, as I can see the potential for a bit of adult fun too.
Because surely these would be perfect for making cocktails for Christmas and the new year, Easter, bank holidays, Saturdays...