Okay, it’s true. I really missed a trick by not applying to be an Olympic torchbearer and am still kicking myself for it.
I pretty much sat on my rather wide buttocks, taking up the sofa for the whole of the 2012 games. There was so much going on, but I didn’t step up to the plate.
So when I was asked to take part in Team Honk’s relay from John O’Groats to Lands End, passing along a baton for Sport Relief, I jumped at the chance.
Super-luckily for me, it turned out that my part was only 1.2 miles, and some of it was even seated on the Gosport ferry.
The relay has been organised by the blogger-sphere and is a person-to-person one of nearly 3,000 miles. Around 200 bloggers, and friends and family, are expected to take part.
Never having done anything like this before, my nervousness increased the closer I came to Sunday morning.
The local organiser had asked me to wear red, but I haven’t done that since my mid-20s and had nothing in the house.
But she had a Sport Relief t-shirt for me to wear over my vest, shirt, jumper and coat for the cold morning. When I put it on I looked like a bowling ball, in a lifejacket, dressed as a strawberry, but with curly hair.
The next issue was that the organiser had suggested we did my bit tied together. Three-legged is all well and good on social media, as when you can only see a headshot of a person they could be any height and I didn’t really think about it.
But imagine my 5ft 8in panic when I met my other half, and my other leg’s body appeared to be little more than 5ft in the flesh – making me look even more giantesque than I am.
When we got going, the strideage was a problem. But, like all good teams in sport, we overcame our difficulties.
What was truly amazing was the speed at which the most hideous picture of me travelled through social media via other members of Team Honk.
As far as the internet is concerned, I look like Hagrid’s older sister. I can only conclude it would have made much more sense for me to have run with the Olympic baton. I could have worn snazzy gear and been much more dignified. But hey, I took part and that’s what counts.