Springsteen experiments in the studio

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STEVE CANAVAN: Making a molehill out of Malcolm, my very minor ailment

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Bruce Springsteen’s manager has revealed that his upcoming 17th studio album will be ‘experimental’. That is one of those terms musicians use when they mean something else.

Here’s a short list of musical euphemisms. If a musician says an album is ‘experimental’ then, basically, that means it’s ‘Unlistenable’.

If an album is ‘groundbreaking’ that means its ‘interesting, but unlistenable’.

If an album is ‘challenging’ that means ‘all the songs are 10 minutes long... and unlistenable.’

If an album is ‘stripped back’, that means ‘whoever made it couldn’t afford to employ any decent musicians... and therefore, it’s unlistenable!’

The Prodigy have been named the Greatest Dance Act Of All Time in a new poll. Although I’m not sure people have thought about what constitutes the greatest dance act properly. If you think about it, the greatest dance act should be the one who every single person dances to whenever one of their tunes gets played somewhere. And, on that basis, that isn’t The Prodigy. No, if you think about it, the greatest dance act of all time should be whoever recorded The Hokey Cokey!

Paul Weller is amazed at how many bands have reunited for nostalgia tours and insists he has no interest in doing anything similar. He said: ‘It’s mad isn’t it, how much of that is going on these days? I don’t know what it says about our times. I guess money talks. But I’m just not interested in the past. I want to keep moving forward, learning new things.’

Justin Bieber’s manager is said to be backing The Wanted’s bid to crack America. Scott ‘Scooter’ Braun met the boyband when they supported Bieber at London’s O2 Arena last year and later invited them to tour with the Baby singer in South America.

Jessie J has revealed that she is excited about the prospect of cutting all her hair off. The singer recently vowed to shave her head for charity because she wants ‘to make a difference in the world’.

Jay Z has reportedly thrown an extravagant party in New York to celebrate his daughter’s birth and like any doting Dad; he’s already started singing her nursery rhymes with his own Rap twist on them. Watch out for ‘Doctor Dre Went to Gloucester in a shower of rain. He stepped in a puddle right up to his middle and cussed ’cause he wrecked his Nike Air Jordans’.