STEVE POWER: Crumbs! This really takes the biscuit

How much help do people actually need with a digestive biscuit?
How much help do people actually need with a digestive biscuit?
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I bought a packet of ′McVities′ digestive biscuits the other day (other brands of digestives are available) and I was so bored I started reading the writing on the packet.

It said: ‘Please contact our helpline if you have any feedback on this product’ and this got me thinking about what possible comments could people have about a digestive biscuit that would actually make them want to call the ′McVities′ helpline?

There are many things that deserve commenting on in this world but I don’t know many people who want to comment so strongly about a digestive biscuit that they’d need to ring them up.

How much help do people actually need with a digestive biscuit? Would they need advice on opening the packet?

On how long they can be safely dunked for?

What I’m saying is could I possibly have a job operating the ′McVities′ helpline?

Because it sounds even cushier than the job I’ve got now!

n In these days of an atomised existence where we’re all supposedly individuals and there’s nothing we share that binds us together, I realised that there is now one thing that people living together all have in common.

We all have one power socket in our homes that has a charger permanently plugged into it that we never remove.

I wonder where yours is?

n I checked the air in my car tyres this weekend and found that the price had gone up from 20 pence for five minutes of air, to one pound all in one go. I’m just wondering if anyone can beat this for a sudden outrageously large price increase for no good reason? How can air have suddenly become so expensive? It’s air! Before all the wise cracks start, I am fully aware of the price of inflation, but not by 400 per cent!