STEVE POWER: It's an assault on the phone battery

n There is this bottled water you can buy called ′Smart Water′ which is described as vapour distilled spring water with added electrolytes. I saw some in a shop this week priced at £1.95 for a small bottle. I thought to myself, that’s ironic. You would have to be pretty stupid to pay that much for a bottle of water. Hopefully if you drink the stuff it’ll make you clever enough to never buy it again and stick to tap water instead.

n Apparently, a major company has paid out nearly £50,000 to clear thousands of its bright pink vanish plastic detergent bottles that washed up on beaches in Cornwall.

Just wondering, is anyone else a bit disappointed that the bottles containing a product called Vanish don’t biodegrade immediately?

n Four new chemical elements are due to be added to the periodic table in January, and they are nihonium, moscovium, tennessine and oganesson.

You’ll know when they’ve become universally accepted as they’ll be provided as answers on the TV gameshow Pointless. They don’t sound like chemical elements to me, here’s a couple of other things I think they sound like:

′Organesson′ sounds like the title of an unreleased Radiohead album.′Moscovium′ sounds like the worst Russian rapper’s name ever. ′Tennessine′ sounds like a performance enhancing drug that a tennis player might take. ′Nihonium′ sounds like something the Star Trek scriptwriters came up with that gets mined on a distant planet in a faraway galaxy.

n I bought some coffee the other day and on the jar it described the coffee as velvety and I also bought some chocolate recently, which described itself as velvety too.

Now, have you ever put velvet in your mouth and tasted it? Surely you’ll find it’s actually really unpleasant and get little bits of fluff stuck in your gob?

Just stick with ′smooth′ when describing your coffee and chocolate please.