Steve Power: Love’s just like a sausage roll

What does love and sausage rolls have in common? Steve Power.
What does love and sausage rolls have in common? Steve Power.

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In case you didn’t know, they sell yoghurts for kids in small plastic tubs.

There are lots of different ones, but one of the biggest sellers is the brand Petits Filous, which translates as ‘Little Rascals’. But I don’t see why we should have to use a French name for our kids’ yoghurts, so I’ve come up with a far better name if any manufacturer fancies using it: Sproghurt – Yoghurt for Sprogs. It’s a winner.

When people say: ‘I love you, I’m just not in love with you’, is that the same as when they say: ‘I want a sausage roll, just not a sausage in a roll?’

n We often hear about how the authorities are trying to stop underage kids from drinking by bringing in proper age checks at pubs, but I saw a product in the supermarket the other day that made me think what is the point? It was an alcoholic drink, designed for the freezer – elderflower and lime cider sorbet. I mean, seriously – what next? Nesquik Vodka?

n Is it just me, or does anyone else feel like they are Marco Polo or Captain Cook when they enter the longitude and latitude co-ordinates of a location into their sat-nav? It just doesn’t feel right, does it? You’re supposed to enter co-ordinates if you’re going in search of a mysterious island or buried treasure – not if you’re looking for a Premier Inn in Colchester.

n New research has shown that fidgeting can offset the unhealthy effects of sitting for long periods and may even help you live longer.

Does anyone else see the irony in this? The main place that you’re likely to start fidgeting because you’ve been waiting for ages is the doctor’s waiting room, so in order to start fidgeting and thus live longer, you’ll have to be very sick first.

n Finally for this week, I have a quick question for you. When people say: ‘I love you, I’m just not in love with you’, is that the same as when they say: ‘I want a sausage roll, just not a sausage in a roll?’